Earlier this year I picked up a handful of books in a quest to discover what it really means to be a woman. My selection was limited to titles like "Woman of the Scriptures" "Proverbs 31" and "Hidden Treasure of the Female Heart"
Needless to say, I ended up putting most of these down within the first few pages. I'm pretty sure all of them had a chapter titled "Created with Care". Bleh.
You know, one of the books actually sounded very promising. It was titled "Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul".
I thought,
"Neat. I'm a woman. I have a soul. Unveiling is a pretty word. Mystery is generally good. I'll give it a shot"
Within the first few pages I was convinced I would never finish or enjoy this book. I'm not sure if it was the cliche language or endless Disney Princess references. Whatever it was, the text seemed to be coated in glitter and silk, screaming (or rather respectfully whispering) "You are pretty, and long to be desired" I thought to myself "Blah blah blah, heard it all before" Closed the book, put it on my shelf and forgot about it, entirely.
So, Once Upon a Time, last night I had the word "Captivating" stuck in my head.
It echoed over and over again, I heard it, tasted it, visualized it. Captivating. While I was eating dinner, "Captivating". Washing the dishes, "Captivating", brushing my teeth "Captivating". I thought,
"Are you being sarcastic, God?". Captivating.
It didn't hit me until I was standing in my room staring at my book shelf, looking for a new read. Tolstoy was too heavy and Oswald Chambers was too reformed. I wanted something lovely and light and, hah how ironic, captivating. And there it was, staring at me as if to say "Give me one more shot". I sighed, picked it up and started reading. Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of Woman's Soul. Take two.
The first few chapters are all about beauty and the desire to be sought after. While my initial response was once again "Heard it all before" I continued reading. My curiosity was sparked when Eldredge proposed that creation reached its zenith in Eve. "She wasn't just an addition or an accessory to creation, the universe was incomplete without her." Amazing.
The universe is incomplete without me. Maybe this book is actually a little deeper than Cinderella stories.
I got past the point where I had stopped prior and read something that I thought to be rather unique. Eldredge explains that a woman desires to be beautiful, from the inside out. It is in a woman's essence to be sought after, to be captivating. Stasi suggests that this is actually a reflection of God's heart. The desire to be desired. (Mind blown)
"After years of hearing the heart-cry of women, I am convinced beyond a doubt of this: God wants to be loved. He wants to be a priority to someone. How could we have missed this? From cover to cover, from beginning to end, the cry of God's heart is, "Why wont you choose me?" It is amazing to me how humble, how vulnerable God is on this point. "You will find me," says the Lord, "When you seek for me with all your heart". In other words,"Look for me, pursue me-- I want you to pursue me." Amazing. As Tozer says, "God waits to be wanted."
Eldredge(s) gets bonus points for quoting Tozer.
After reading this simple but enlightening text, I decided I could dust off the glitter.
John Eldredge describing the sanctity in a women's beauty was actually quite moving. You can nearly reach out and grab his sincerity, his desperation. "Don't you understand? You- Women, you are beautiful. And it is not only because of your body- though this may be the most beautiful of all creation- it is your soul, it is your spirit" You are captivating. "God gave Eve a beautiful form and a beautiful spirit. She expresses her beauty in both. Better, she expresses beauty, simply in who she is. Like God, in her essence"
A year ago I would have torn this idea apart and hung it out to dry. This morning, it resounded well with my soul.
Again,
"This is what it is like to be with a woman at rest, a woman comfortable with her feminine beauty She is enjoyable to be with. She is lovely. In her presence your heart stops holding its breath. You relax and believe once again that all will be well. And this is also why a woman who is striving is disturbing, for a woman who is not at rest in her heart says to the world "All is not well. Things are not going to turn out all right" "Like a fountain troubled", as Shakespeare said, "Muddy, ill-seeming, thick, bereft of a beauty". We need what Beauty speaks. What is says is hard to put into words but part of it's message is all is well. All will be well"
Again, a year ago, I would have called Eldredge a chauvinistic idiot, and say something like "What? So I'm just supposed to sit here and look pretty?" But that is not it. Oh how Naive and stubborn I can be.
Being beautiful is a lovely and cherished thing. Our beauty is a reflection of the Creator's romance.
It is not something to be despised. I am done despising my beauty, for to despise my own beauty would be to despise the Creator's love.
(Learning to embrace my beauty, inside and out)
This is my prayer today:
Oh Lord, I want to be a fountain of Love and Beauty. Take this reckless river of a woman and make me into the ocean, whose waves ebb and flow in the tides sway,
whose waters calm and cure and stir violently,
at the command of the moon, and you, oh Lord,
you are the moon.
I am the sea and I am deep and vast,
and carefully measured.
I am an ocean in your Palm.
I am the essence of your Love and Beauty.
I am your creation.
Oh Lord, I want to be a fountain of love and beauty, that the world may come to me and know that "All will be well". I want to be a well spring of your Life, of your Love, of your Beauty.
Amen.
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