Forty Days with a Fresh Face.

      On November 15, 2012, I woke up and looked in the mirror, long and hard. I didn't like what I saw. I sat and stared into my reflection, trying to validate myself. Trying to find something to hold on to. "Well, my skin is uneven, but I have pretty eyes" or "A little concealer will cover up those dark circles..." And I heard God whisper, quite clearly "Let go." "You are beautiful, not because of anything you put on your skin, but because of who I am and who I have made you to become"
Let go.
My identity is not found in my face.
I picked up all my makeup, put it in a bag, zipped it up and shoved it under the chair. "Today is the day" I thought. Today is the day. I felt an overwhelming joy, looking into the mirror, seeing myself beautiful. From the inside, out. Not because of anything that I have done, but because of who my creator made me to be. 
I have wanted to give up makeup for nearly two years.
 I have started the forty day  fast many times before, only to break it when the first zit popped up, or when somebody asked if I was feeling sick. I would gradually add a little mascara or lipgloss, and then forget about my fast all-together. A compromise would turn into a failure, and a failure would be forgotten. When I realized that forty days from the 15th was Christmas, I knew that it was finally time to let go. Completely. It has been four days, and this morning I woke up with a large pimple underneath my nose. My instant reaction was "A little concealer doesn't hurt..." Instantly I felt something inside of me, "Let go." It's just a pimple. Nobody is perfect. You are blessed.
Sure it was easy when the weather was clear. But how will I respond in the storm?
Let go. 
Over the past four days I have received a mixed response. From "Wow! You look so pretty today" to "Something is different" to "Are you feeling okay?" I admit, it has not been easy. Every morning I strip myself of the desire to be "perfect". I am forced to focus on my heart, to focus on what God is doing to make me truly beautiful. Not by the worlds standards. I look in the mirror and ask God "What do you have to say to me today" Every morning it is the same "I love you, I created you, I have a purpose for you, let go."

I am learning so much about myself. Again, it has not been easy. I have dealt with things in my life that have left me damaged and insecure. As a teenager I suffered from anorexia, bulimia and self harm. It has been five years since these struggles, but I am still healing. I know that at the end of these forty days I will have a more secure grasp as to who God has really made me to be. I will no longer find any of my identity in my "beauty" but I will find my identity in Christ, my creator. The Husband of my heart and keeper of my mind. It is amazing, the joy I have in this "letting go". This morning I woke up and felt beautiful, before and after I looked in the mirror.