On "Captivating" Learning about Beauty.

(Day 9)

Earlier this year I picked up a handful of books in a quest to discover what it really means to be a woman. My selection was limited to titles like "Woman of the Scriptures"  "Proverbs 31" and  "Hidden Treasure of the Female Heart"
     Needless to say, I ended up putting most of these down within the first few pages. I'm pretty sure all of them had a chapter titled "Created with Care". Bleh.
     You know, one of the books actually sounded very promising. It was titled  "Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul".
I thought,
 "Neat. I'm a woman. I have a soul. Unveiling is a pretty word. Mystery is generally good. I'll give it a shot"
 Within the first few pages I was convinced I would never finish or enjoy this book. I'm not sure if it was the cliche language or endless Disney Princess references. Whatever it was, the text seemed to be coated in glitter and silk, screaming (or rather respectfully whispering) "You are pretty, and long to be desired" I thought to myself "Blah blah blah, heard it all before" Closed the book, put it on my shelf and forgot about it, entirely.

      So, Once Upon a Time,  last night I had the word "Captivating" stuck in  my head.
 It echoed over and over again, I heard it, tasted it, visualized it. Captivating. While I was eating dinner,  "Captivating". Washing the dishes, "Captivating", brushing my teeth "Captivating". I thought,
 "Are you being sarcastic, God?". Captivating.
    It didn't hit me until I was standing in my room staring at my book shelf, looking for a new read. Tolstoy was too heavy and Oswald Chambers was too reformed. I wanted something lovely and light and, hah how ironic, captivating. And there it was, staring at me as if to say "Give me one more shot". I sighed, picked it up and started reading. Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of  Woman's Soul. Take two.


      The first few chapters are all about beauty and the desire to be sought after.  While my initial response was once again "Heard it all before" I continued reading. My curiosity was sparked when Eldredge proposed that creation  reached its zenith in Eve.  "She wasn't just an addition or an accessory to creation, the universe was incomplete without her." Amazing.
The universe is incomplete without me.  Maybe this book is actually a little deeper than Cinderella stories.
 I got past the point where I had stopped prior and read something that I thought to be rather unique. Eldredge explains that a woman desires to be beautiful,  from the inside out. It is in a woman's essence to be sought after, to be captivating. Stasi suggests that this is actually a reflection of God's heart. The desire to be desired. (Mind blown)
     "After years of hearing the heart-cry of women, I am convinced beyond a doubt of this: God wants to be loved. He wants to be a priority to someone. How could we have missed this? From cover to cover, from beginning to end, the cry of God's heart is, "Why wont you choose me?" It is amazing to me how humble, how vulnerable God is on this point. "You will find me," says the Lord, "When you seek for me with all your heart". In other words,"Look for me, pursue me-- I want you to pursue me." Amazing. As Tozer says, "God waits to be wanted."

Eldredge(s) gets bonus points for quoting Tozer.

After reading this simple but enlightening text,  I decided I could dust off the glitter.
    John Eldredge describing the sanctity in a women's beauty was actually quite moving. You can nearly reach out and grab his sincerity, his desperation. "Don't you understand? You- Women, you are beautiful. And it is not only because of your body- though this may be the most beautiful of all creation- it is your soul, it is your spirit" You are captivating.  "God gave Eve a beautiful form and a beautiful spirit. She expresses her beauty in both. Better, she expresses beauty,  simply in who she is. Like God, in her essence"
A year ago I would have torn this idea apart and hung it out to dry. This morning, it resounded well with my soul.
Again,
"This is what it is like to be with a woman at rest, a woman comfortable with her feminine beauty She is enjoyable to be with. She is lovely. In her presence your heart stops holding its breath. You relax and believe once again that all will be well. And this is also why a woman who is striving is disturbing, for a woman who is not at rest in her heart says to the world "All is not well. Things are not going to turn out all right" "Like a fountain troubled", as Shakespeare said, "Muddy, ill-seeming, thick, bereft of a beauty". We need what Beauty speaks. What is says is hard to put into words but part of it's message is all is well. All will be well"
Again, a year ago, I would have called Eldredge a chauvinistic idiot, and say something like "What? So I'm just supposed to sit here and look pretty?" But that is not it. Oh how Naive and stubborn I can be.
    Being beautiful is a lovely and cherished thing. Our beauty is a reflection of the Creator's romance.

It is not something to be despised. I am done despising my beauty, for to despise my own beauty would be to despise the Creator's love.

(Learning to embrace my beauty, inside and out)

 This is my prayer today:

 Oh Lord, I want to be a fountain of Love and Beauty. Take this reckless river of a woman and make me into the ocean, whose waves ebb and flow in the tides sway,
whose waters calm and cure and stir violently,
at the command of the moon, and you, oh Lord,
you are the moon.
I am the sea and I am deep and vast,
and carefully measured.
 I am an ocean in your Palm.
I am the essence of your Love and Beauty.
I am your creation.
Oh Lord, I want to be a fountain of love and beauty, that the world may come to me and know that "All will be well". I want to be a well spring of your Life, of your Love, of your Beauty.
Amen.

Day Six

Well, tonight marks the end of day 6.

I am seeing more and more everyday that true beauty is found in the passionate love of a vulnerable, sacrificial heart.

     This journey began as a sacrifice, an act of obedience tinted with hopes of feeling more confident with my natural beauty. I thought that God wanted me to fast makeup so I would realize that I was beautiful without it.
Well,  It would be just like Christ to prove me very, very wrong.
Yes, it is true, I do feel more confident every day.
 But surprisingly, it has absolutely nothing to do with my face.
   
     I am starting to realize just how deep my roots of security were planted in my own outward beauty. A few weeks ago, I would wake up, do my hair and makeup,  look in the mirror and feel pretty.
I would leave the house confident in my outward appearance. I looked "good" and I knew it.
 I spent my mornings preparing my heart but probably spend an equal amount of time preparing my face.
I was finding my identity in the outward.


This morning I woke up, spent the entire morning with my creator and left the house, hair pinned back and bare skinned, feeling confident and beautiful. And it had absolutely nothing to do with my appearance. I felt beautiful because of the love which dwells so richly inside of me. The love of my creator, displayed in the beauty of His beloved creation. I have set aside my mirror and have begun asking the question
"Lord, what does my heart look like this morning? Please, fix it. Expose the blemishes of my heart so they may be healed. "
 I am beautiful because of  His Love.
 I was made in Love, to Love.
I rejoice! I love! I cannot explain this feeling. I am crazy!
For the first time in my entire life, I do not care, the slightest bit about my outward appearance. (Not to say that I am letting go and turning into a dirty sweat pants girl) I am just realizing that the only thing that really matters is love. (Duh)
What began as a journey to find confidence in myself, has led me to find confidence in Christ and in Christ alone. The theme of these past few weeks has been "Let go."
I know that the next thirty days will not be easy.
 I am battling a world that tells me to use my beauty for control.
I am battling a mind that tells me to conform to the ways of this world.
But, I am filled with a spirit of Love and Truth.
It's time to shine.

Alright, now that you know how I feel, here is a little side note.


I wanted to say how proud I am, and how very blessed I have been by all the women who have been inspired to embrace their natural beauty. Perhaps I have a sensitive spirit, but every-time I encounter somebody who says that I inspired them  and I see their beautiful bare skin, I am reduced to tears. I really cannot explain how it makes me feel. I am overjoyed with all of the women who have gone bare-faced, in confidence. You are all so beautiful, inside and out. Please continue to seek the Lord and root yourself in His love. You are not defined by your eyes or lips or skin, you are defined by His Love. Yes, you are a beautiful creation, and it is because He made you to Love you.

-Jasmine

Forty Days with a Fresh Face.

      On November 15, 2012, I woke up and looked in the mirror, long and hard. I didn't like what I saw. I sat and stared into my reflection, trying to validate myself. Trying to find something to hold on to. "Well, my skin is uneven, but I have pretty eyes" or "A little concealer will cover up those dark circles..." And I heard God whisper, quite clearly "Let go." "You are beautiful, not because of anything you put on your skin, but because of who I am and who I have made you to become"
Let go.
My identity is not found in my face.
I picked up all my makeup, put it in a bag, zipped it up and shoved it under the chair. "Today is the day" I thought. Today is the day. I felt an overwhelming joy, looking into the mirror, seeing myself beautiful. From the inside, out. Not because of anything that I have done, but because of who my creator made me to be. 
I have wanted to give up makeup for nearly two years.
 I have started the forty day  fast many times before, only to break it when the first zit popped up, or when somebody asked if I was feeling sick. I would gradually add a little mascara or lipgloss, and then forget about my fast all-together. A compromise would turn into a failure, and a failure would be forgotten. When I realized that forty days from the 15th was Christmas, I knew that it was finally time to let go. Completely. It has been four days, and this morning I woke up with a large pimple underneath my nose. My instant reaction was "A little concealer doesn't hurt..." Instantly I felt something inside of me, "Let go." It's just a pimple. Nobody is perfect. You are blessed.
Sure it was easy when the weather was clear. But how will I respond in the storm?
Let go. 
Over the past four days I have received a mixed response. From "Wow! You look so pretty today" to "Something is different" to "Are you feeling okay?" I admit, it has not been easy. Every morning I strip myself of the desire to be "perfect". I am forced to focus on my heart, to focus on what God is doing to make me truly beautiful. Not by the worlds standards. I look in the mirror and ask God "What do you have to say to me today" Every morning it is the same "I love you, I created you, I have a purpose for you, let go."

I am learning so much about myself. Again, it has not been easy. I have dealt with things in my life that have left me damaged and insecure. As a teenager I suffered from anorexia, bulimia and self harm. It has been five years since these struggles, but I am still healing. I know that at the end of these forty days I will have a more secure grasp as to who God has really made me to be. I will no longer find any of my identity in my "beauty" but I will find my identity in Christ, my creator. The Husband of my heart and keeper of my mind. It is amazing, the joy I have in this "letting go". This morning I woke up and felt beautiful, before and after I looked in the mirror.