I am woman.

"I believe the lack of investment in female leadership isn't just personally frustrating and debilitating; it frustrates and debilitates the bigger cause to which Christians are called. Yes, women suffer, sometimes terribly. But, more importantly, the Kingdom-- the cause-- suffers too." , Jo Saxton in More Than Enchanting.

      Today I had the pleasure of sitting in the sun with a cup of almost black coffee (slightly tainted with cocoa powder) and a great book. The book, titled "More Than Enchanting" is a look into Female Leadership and influence in the body of Christ. I didn't even notice that by the fourth page, tears were streaming into my cup of perfect coffee. As I pressed on through the statistics, stories, and reality of being a woman in this world, I had to bring myself to a pause. I was reminded of a recent experience that, quite honestly, for lack of better terms, pissed me off.  

     It was during a Pastor's conference in Sonora, that an elderly woman stopped me at the door of the dining hall. She looked at me questioningly and asked "So, are you a pastor's wife, too?" She said this through a weak, insecure smile. ( It would have ALMOST been okay if she stopped there.)

 Slightly offensive, but not so bad.

"No, I'm not".  I laughed.

 "Do I look too young to be a pastor?" She looked even more confused.

"Oh, well I'm just trying to figure out why you are here." 

" You are far too young, and, well, frankly,  too pretty to be a pastor." 

She looked at me with concern, as if to say "Poor little thing, are you lost?".

       I couldn't believe it. I didn't even care to explain that I was an intern, that I was there to serve in childcare so that the mothers who have been so regularly denied the opportunity to gain the empowerment and direction that they need could glean from this conference.

I didn't dare mention how twisted it was that the administrators announced the need for more childcare helpers during the breakout sessions, and asked only for women, for wives of pastors. I did not go on to tell her that one day, a man would refer to himself as "The Pastors Husband" on behalf of MY call to ministry. 

      I, for a second,  imagined myself standing on top of a dining hall table in fury and passion, preaching my little (big) heart out on behalf of all women, pastors and "pastor's wives". On behalf of the young, the pretty, the old, the plain. On behalf of the beautiful, strong spirit that we have all been given for  the glory of the Kingdom of God.  But, I didn't. Instead,  I just smiled, and left  in love. Biting back the hot flow of my thoughts, and the warm tears of my pain.

Too young and too pretty to be a pastor.

In truth, I felt extremely denied, rejected, and wounded.

      Sadly, this is not the first time such things have been said to me, and shockingly, not the first time I have heard such words spoken from the mouth of another woman in ministry.

I know that as a young woman in ministry,  this is only the beginning of my struggle. But, I also  know that God has clothed me in strength. I know that while the world may see a dainty white flower, God has built me up as a flowering, fruit bearing tree.

I am a tower, and yet I am only a seed. My roots are in His hands. While the world may frown upon my reckless passion and call it empty emotion, I know that my Father has equipped me for battle.I know that I am so very blessed to be a woman,  to have the sensitivity and the heart to love,  all while pursuing the power to do something about it. I am my Father's daughter, and yes,  I am a Pastor.   AND I look pretty doing it.

      Perhaps the sharpest knife the enemy is using to cut down our confidence as women is each other. We need to love on another, we need to learn what it means to be a sister IN Christ. We must stand united because this world is coming up against us, full force. We cannot afford to come against each other.

Today,  claim the fragrance of Christ as your veil. Stand in confidence, stand in power, stand in the firm foundation of Love. Do not be ashamed of your gender. You are lovely. 

Alright, enough soabox for today.

Transformation.

       Last week, during our Fall ELN retreat, God gave me a vision that tore down some of my tallest, most resilient walls. This vision was perhaps the most perplexing, beautiful, powerful example of God’s love that I have ever experienced. On the last night of our retreat, the interns were asked to think of a time that we experienced rejection, and then walk through a seven-step healing prayer. I did not think of a specific rejection experience, but instead, thought of all the abuse that had happened to me as a child and a teenager. As we walked through the steps, I saw snapshots of emotional, physical and sexual abuse. I was digging deeper than I ever had before.
      When we got to step 5, we were told to ask God where He was in the incidences. I closed my eyes and lifted my hands towards my Father. I asked, in anger, “Where. Were. You?” Perhaps this is the question I had been holding onto all these years. The wall came down and suddenly, I saw. I saw myself, fifteen, drugged and drunk on the forest floor. I saw a monster on top of me; I felt the pain. And I saw the physical manifestation of Jesus Christ come in anger and fury and throw this man off of me. I saw him pick me up, cleanse me and put me in a white robe and a white veil. His furious love was present now and had been then. I saw scene after scene, all ending the same way. He picked me up, hugged me, stroked my hair and clothed me in white.
I saw myself at the age of ten, waiting in the rain for my parents who had once again forgotten me, and watched as Jesus walked up, sat next to me and held me. He waited with me.
Every instance of abuse, every time I had been wronged, He was there, claiming justice over my heart. Proclaiming redemption over my soul. He held me close, and after all of these visions, spoke to me in a clear, soft voice. “This is how I see you”. Pure. Clean. Whole.
    Today, I feel more free than I ever thought imaginable. After four, long years of recovery and healing, I finally feel whole. I finally feel as though I have been restored. I look onward now, into the future that God has in store, and I see pure, powerful hope. I know that the healing is never over. But I now know where God stands. He stands in Love, forever. He cannot be moved out of Love; he cannot be shaken or swayed. He is Love. In my pain, He is Love. In my regrets, He is Love. In my disobedience, He is Love. And He is in Love with me as I am in Love with Him.

God has, by His grace provided all the finances I needed to continue this fall. I am so thankful for all of the love and support that you have shown me. I am continuing to raise support for this upcoming year, knowing that He will continue to provide. 

Check back soon for a new bible study!

With Love, 

J

Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Lean not on your own understanding.

Hello friends.

On August 22 I was informed that I need to raise 1,000 dollars in one week in order to continue as an ELN intern this fall. The finances I were relying on did not come in, and I had agreed to have this money at the end of the summer. The fact that I even have a week to raise this money is a blessing of grace.  I know that whether or not the money comes in, I am exactly where I need to be. I know that God is good, and that His plans are sometimes not our own. But I would really like to continue on as an ELN this fall, as I know God has a good work for me. If you are reading this and can support in anyway, even in exchange for work, please visit the help page located above and let me know via email. 1,000 dollars is 50 dollars from twenty people. Twenty dollars from 50 people. Surely this is possible.

With Love,

-Jasmine

To support you can give easily online http://eurekafaithcenter.org/online-giving
Just click "Internship scholarship" and specify "Jasmine"  in the notes. Thank you so much!
On another note, God has already provided more than enough!
Praise Him who is rediculous! :)

Homeward bound.

        Many of you know that I spent this last summer working at a Foursquare church in Seattle, WA. The past ten weeks have been a beautiful compilation of growth, transformation, excitement, love, trials, tiredness and a lot of good coffee. I have learned so much about who God is and what He is doing to transform not only my heart, but the heart of His Church. It has been absolutely awe-inspiring to watch God move with His divine creativity, through such a dynamic and diverse city.
        I return with a new-found passion for God's truth and a ridiculous conviction to live out Christ's true, mad love. I now know just how deep my love for the world runs. I also know that my love for this world is but a small portion of God's powerful, infinite love. Might I remind you that God, the creator of the universe loved the world so much that He sent His perfect son to live and die that we may live and never die. How often do we forget this mad love?
      Coming back from Seattle, I have a  very strong desire to be around the broken people of this world and this city. I want to know them, I want to love them. I want to love them like a crazy person. And the thing is, we are all broken. We are all in need of a savior's grace, we are all in need of this mad love. Why does the church allow her love to be so limited? Why are we afraid to love? This cannot do.
      I pray that this next year be filled with opportunities for me to exercise this new-found passion, as I know it will be. I pray that God show me how to walk boldly in His love, all while teaching me how to humbly enable other's to do the same. I look forward to this upcoming season with a confident anticipation, knowing that it will be a beautiful, challenging, impacting year.
 Thank you Eastside and Faith Center. My home, and my home away from home.

Welcome.

Hi there! Thank you for visiting my new ministry blog. As you can see, I am still in the works of getting everything together. Check back soon!.