"I believe the lack of investment in female leadership isn't just personally frustrating and debilitating; it frustrates and debilitates the bigger cause to which Christians are called. Yes, women suffer, sometimes terribly. But, more importantly, the Kingdom-- the cause-- suffers too." , Jo Saxton in More Than Enchanting.
Today I had the pleasure of sitting in the sun with a cup of almost black coffee (slightly tainted with cocoa powder) and a great book. The book, titled "More Than Enchanting" is a look into Female Leadership and influence in the body of Christ. I didn't even notice that by the fourth page, tears were streaming into my cup of perfect coffee. As I pressed on through the statistics, stories, and reality of being a woman in this world, I had to bring myself to a pause. I was reminded of a recent experience that, quite honestly, for lack of better terms, pissed me off.
It was during a Pastor's conference in Sonora, that an elderly woman stopped me at the door of the dining hall. She looked at me questioningly and asked "So, are you a pastor's wife, too?" She said this through a weak, insecure smile. ( It would have ALMOST been okay if she stopped there.)
Slightly offensive, but not so bad.
"No, I'm not". I laughed.
"Do I look too young to be a pastor?" She looked even more confused.
"Oh, well I'm just trying to figure out why you are here."
" You are far too young, and, well, frankly, too pretty to be a pastor."
She looked at me with concern, as if to say "Poor little thing, are you lost?".
I couldn't believe it. I didn't even care to explain that I was an intern, that I was there to serve in childcare so that the mothers who have been so regularly denied the opportunity to gain the empowerment and direction that they need could glean from this conference.
I didn't dare mention how twisted it was that the administrators announced the need for more childcare helpers during the breakout sessions, and asked only for women, for wives of pastors. I did not go on to tell her that one day, a man would refer to himself as "The Pastors Husband" on behalf of MY call to ministry.
I, for a second, imagined myself standing on top of a dining hall table in fury and passion, preaching my little (big) heart out on behalf of all women, pastors and "pastor's wives". On behalf of the young, the pretty, the old, the plain. On behalf of the beautiful, strong spirit that we have all been given for the glory of the Kingdom of God. But, I didn't. Instead, I just smiled, and left in love. Biting back the hot flow of my thoughts, and the warm tears of my pain.
Too young and too pretty to be a pastor.
In truth, I felt extremely denied, rejected, and wounded.
Sadly, this is not the first time such things have been said to me, and shockingly, not the first time I have heard such words spoken from the mouth of another woman in ministry.
I know that as a young woman in ministry, this is only the beginning of my struggle. But, I also know that God has clothed me in strength. I know that while the world may see a dainty white flower, God has built me up as a flowering, fruit bearing tree.
I am a tower, and yet I am only a seed. My roots are in His hands. While the world may frown upon my reckless passion and call it empty emotion, I know that my Father has equipped me for battle.I know that I am so very blessed to be a woman, to have the sensitivity and the heart to love, all while pursuing the power to do something about it. I am my Father's daughter, and yes, I am a Pastor. AND I look pretty doing it.
Perhaps the sharpest knife the enemy is using to cut down our confidence as women is each other. We need to love on another, we need to learn what it means to be a sister IN Christ. We must stand united because this world is coming up against us, full force. We cannot afford to come against each other.
Today, claim the fragrance of Christ as your veil. Stand in confidence, stand in power, stand in the firm foundation of Love. Do not be ashamed of your gender. You are lovely.
Alright, enough soabox for today.
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